How to prepare yourself for a 2 year old

1- Buy a carton of milk and a carton of orange juice put each in a sippy cup and walk around the house dripping them over the floor as you go. Get a second carton of milk and just pour the whole thing over the sofa, forget to clean it up until it starts to smell.

2- Get someone to switch the light on and off continuosly as you cook dinner, brush your teeth, try to get dressed or do anything that requires your toddler to sit still for a moment.

3- Dip your hands in ketchup and rub them all over your nice clean white dress / shirt / trousers

4- Fill a rucksack up with bricks to a weight of around 16 kilos, practice carrying it on your front around the house, going upstairs and downstairs, to the supermarket and back whilst holding shopping bags and in and out of the car.

5- Find your tallest piece of furniture where you´d keep valuable items like perfume, jewellery and anything you want out of your toddlers reach, then put up a shelf atleast a metre higher than this. They will find a way to get to it otherwise.

6- Get out your best lipstick and draw all over the walls / curtains / dog

7- Get someone to continuosly chant “mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy mummy…..” everytime you are trying to have a conversation

8- Find a song you like and put it on repeat everytime you go somewhere in the car. If you change it be prepared for a little person so scream “again, again, again, again, again” until you play it again

9- Read 2 lines of a childrens book, turn the page, read another 2 lines, turn the page, read another 2 lines turn the page, and so on until youve been through the book a total of 5 times.

10- When you go out for a walk, walk behind an ant, get used to this speed, make sure to stop at every step, drain, window, bench until you reach your destination. Add an extra 15 minutes on for pee pee stops.

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2 thoughts on “How to prepare yourself for a 2 year old

  1. Hahahaha!!! I loved each and every one of these!! As a mom to two toddlers I could think of nothing closer to the truth. Thanks for a good laugh! :-)

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